Tonight feels like Christmas Eve

When I was little, well, up until I was at least 16, my brother and I could barely sleep on Christmas Eve- we would be way too excited. Even thought we knew the secret of Santa, we still loved Christmas...my mom made sure to spoil us while she was here. And I haven't had that feeling since then, until now. Tomorrow is a big day in the best way. It's the last day of ballet. One more day of me pretending I could be a Russian ballerina. And to hopefully show Renard some improvements. I pray I don't freeze up when he asks me to count out and perform a rond de jambe. It's the last day of voice class as well. I'll be singing What I Did For Love...and the words are so perfectly fitting to our Moscow Experience...I can't help but get tears while I practice...what will happen tomorrow? I can't cry while I sing...but just in case I get emotional, Marina our teacher says, to get angry....wonder if that will work? The words: Kiss today goodbye. The sweetness and the sorrow. Wish me luck,the same to you. But I can't regret what I did for love. Look my eyes are dry. The gift was ours to borrow. It's as if we always knew. And I won't forget what I did for love. Love is never gone. as we travel on. Love is what we'll remember. Kiss today goodbdye and point me toward tomorrow. We did what we had to do.... That's just some of the lyrics, kumbled up a bit. but how perfectly fitting? I've been practing nightly, so I'm ready to throw down. Here's hoping I don't sob and can be professional, while my heart shines through. After singing is our second to last acting class. The one I will miss the most. Having acting class everyday just seems so right. And as much as I want to point fingers at my school and say, hey! We don't work hard enough, I know it is no one's responsibility but my own. I have to keep up my own work and push myself to learn and exercise my acting skills every day. I have a sweet étude planned out for tomorrow..it's going to be a dream funeral. A dream that involves my own funeral ( as a character named Anna in Chekhov's Ivanov). After acting class we have a unique opportunity to watch one of our masters (what the Russian students call their teachers and so I'm going to as well) perform! Ilya is one of our instructors for acting and he graduated last year or two years ago...and his showcase is still being performed til this day! It's that good! And I get to see it!! It's my favorite thing to watch MAXT students act. We meet Russian students in the hallways of our dorms all the time, and at night we hang out on the stairwell and have some drinks ( of water, of course) and smokes (no smoking for me...but I love to smell it). The other night I made them do some monologues for us...in Russian of course. And it was thrilling! We were so lucky to our own private show! The talent they have, is amazing..and their strong sense of ensemble Or 'familia' is what makes all the difference when you compare their work to ours. Most actors in America all want to be better than one another...they don't see what an asset it is to have a group of amazingness, rather than 1 or 2 stars. Ugh. Who wants 1 star when you can have 100? :) I'm not speaking for all, but it's just my impression...now that I have a slice of what it could be, I want more for us in the states. I hope to figure out a way to bring this idea with me and implement it somehow...with my attitude and approach to work.