The hardest part: Reality Lag

So. I'm back in the states now. I've been avoiding finishing my last blog posting because once I do, that means it's over? No. That's my defeatist part of myself talking. Where is the passionate, excited,and hopeful part? Back in Moscow?! That would be such a shame. I'm a spoiled little girl right now....pouting that I'm back 'home' feeling like nothing is as sacred or special or wonderful as my time in Russia. Why does it have to be all or nothing with me? Why can't I value my time spent and use it as fuel here? That's my challenge. That's the hardest part. I knew it would be difficult...so why am I surprised? I realize...Moscow didn't change me, it enhanced me...and like muscles...the enhancement can be easily lost if I stay idol. I have so much to be grateful for here. I came home to Josh who read all of my blog postings and whenever I am feeling down...or on our 15 mile bike ride yesterday...and I wanted to stop because the heat was too much- he screamed: SMILE! In his best Russian accent...and it instantly made me feel better. Not only was I blessed with an amazing experience, I have an incredible life partner who knows just how to help me bounce back to reality and not be a grouch about it. One thing I learned most from my Russian friends is how dedicated and disciplined they are, not only in their craft, but in life. I was told many times by them: life is beautiful. You ever joke about suicide? Or say- fuck my life? The Russians do not tolerate those statements. It instantly humbled me...because although I'm not serious and the joke of it is lost in translation- they are absolutely right. Life is beautiful. and as far as we know- this is it, for now- so make the most of it and don't be a shit about it. I'm talking to myself of course....I have a lot to be happy about. And I have a lot to give and do....so I'm going to stop typing and start doing. Thank you for reading my posts. Thanks for listening to my stories...and if you want to talk more about Russia/look at pictures of Russia/plan a trip to Russia, you know I would be more than happy to. :) But also, if you want to create anything with me....I would love that even more. Love, Vanessa