I was happy...at the ballet

On Saturday night I saw Russian ballerinas perform Swan Lake. The theatre was beautiful...the curtain looked like a rich tapestry and the orchestra was huge and complete with a harp. It amazed me to watch a passionate love story without a single word spoken. Ah, Dancers. They are stunning and I can't take my eyes off of them...and I can't help to think, I must have been a dancer in a past life. I feel it in my bones when I watch dancers dance and I wish it were me. I'm a mess in ballet class. My form is good, aside from the fact my tights touch...my arms and legs are strong...but my feet- they are all over the place. Ugh. I get so discouraged in class. And my teacher- Renard (not Bernard, like I said in a previous post)...the disappointment in his face is heart wrenching. I just want to be good, so badly. One thing I learned the most while being here is the process is not only imperative but much more interesting than the final result. Instant gratification doesn't exist in art. A famous Stanislavsky quote that has stuck with me: Art is never finished, only abandoned. My process needs work. My shoulder stand is not there yet. This morning is my last movement class and I have one more chance to do a shoulder stand in Russia. But, it's not going to be the last attempt. I leave Moscow in 5 days. And I'm not ready to leave yet. There is so much more to soak in. So many more things to see. And I could take class here forever and still need more...but that's the point. To know that learning is never done was the lesson here. The hardest work will come when I board the plane and land in reality aka Detroit. If I was to push myself- it's up to me, not Russia. And I will keep taking ballet classes. That's my happiest time- sweating and cursing in class...trying with all my might- mind, spirit and body- to keep my leg in the air for Adagio. My feet just need muscle memory. It's a process. Consistent action no matter how small, has more power than you ever imagined.